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Struggling
with Dr. Leah can help. |
| > Worried About Your Teen |
                  
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Worried About Your Teenager? JUST ASK DR. LEAH... My fourteen-year old daughter is going through an awkward stage. She is moody and constantly complains about her skin and weight. She does not always share her feelings with me. My daughter only sees her father occasionally and I think this is the reason for all the problems we are having now. How can I make her father get more involved in her life? How can I get my daughter to tell me everything so I can fix things like I used to when she was a little girl?
DR. LEAH REPLIES... Teenage girls and boys present a challenge to all parents. Your daughter’s moodiness, constant concern with her physical appearance, and reluctance to 'tell all' are common teenage behaviors. Just like when she was a baby, your daughter is exploring her world and learning new things every day. You want to stay a vital part of her world without interfering with her growing independence and sense of self-confidence. Physical changes are part of the picture... Your daughter’s body is changing. She is self-conscious and truly believes that everyone is staring at her all the time. Hormones are raging and mood swings are inevitable. Your daughter looks anxiously at media stars and compares herself harshly to the perfect images she sees. Leopards do not change their spots... It is unlikely that your daughter’s father is suddenly going to change from a distant, 'sometimes kind of a guy' into a loving, concerned, involved guy. Some children are blessed with an 'always there for you' kind of father and still struggle through the teenaged years often leaving two parents exhausted and frustrated. Two parent homes may have the edge with greater resources and more psychological energy, but two parent homes definitely do not escape the frustrations and challenges you are experiencing.
There is no more 'magic mommy'... When our children are babies, we are able to fix just about everything. A smile, a hug, a cookie, five minutes more on the playground and the world is sunshine. Those 'magic mommy' days are gone. Do you really want that measure of control? As our children take their rightful, independent place in the world too much is going on for us to try to 'master control' every aspect of our child’s life.
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Stop wishing and look to your assets...
Instead of wishing for the parenting partner who does not
exist, look at what assets you can bring to this situation. Your
greatest assets are your time and your willingness to share that time
with your daughter. Make yourself available. Make her the
priority as you make your personal and work plans. Share with her
some of the ups and downs of your own teenage years. Highlight the
accomplishments of women who may have struggled during their teenage
years. Do your best to limit her access to media, which hold girls
to impossible standards of weight and overall appearance. Monitor
her online activities to insure that your daughter in spending more time
and energy on real life than out in cyberspace.
Accept the parenting challenge... The
parenting challenge of the teenage years is to balance the amount of
personal freedom offered your teenager with an equal measure of personal
responsibility. A teenager who cannot successfully run the vacuum
cleaner is certainly not ready to drive a car; a teenager who forgets to
feed and walk the dog daily certainly is not ready to go to the movies
at night with friends; a teenager who turns a deaf ear to any adult
request cannot expect instant chauffeur service or extra cash.
This is just how the world works and you have the privilege of teaching
these critical life lessons!
