Struggling with
single parenthood?

Stress and The Single Parent

JUST ASK DR. LEAH... At the end of the day I am stressed and just plain burned out. I have a short fuse during the evening hours with my five and ten year old daughters. I yell all the time. I want to enjoy the time I spend with them, but I don’t know what more I can do to make things better! What can I do?

DR. LEAH'S REPLY... All parents can relate to occasional feelings of burnout, stress, and exhaustion because parenting is a tough, demanding job. Successful single parenting is a special challenge requiring that you keep your priorities straight and your activities focused and organized. Your stress is a sign that you need to make changes in how you are handling the everyday business of living. All parents yell at one time or another, but constant yelling is a big red flag that changes are needed in your own life.

Define your priorities... Your priorities are yours alone; you are free to decide what is important in your life. Make a list of the five things that matter most to you. No surprise if your children head the list. Does the list also include more education, job advancement, more social activities, or just some time to pursue your own interests?

Set Your Goals... Guided by your priorities, set three small goals. Aim for simple goals that you can accomplish within a brief time period. Increase your level of commitment by writing the goals down. Seeing your goals on paper will help transform vague ideas into plans of action. Immediate success will encourage you to set additional goals allowing you to take charge of your life.

Compromise is the solution... You simply cannot do it all...at least not all at once. Your priorities will determine what activities deserve your energy and concentration. If the priority is spending more time with your children, rising to CEO of your company, or simply having a backyard which is not the neighborhood eyesore, ask yourself the same question. What did I do today to make it happen? Activities that do not contribute to your priorities and goals must get less attention. Accepting these inevitable compromises will go a long to reduce stress.

Take care of yourself... Treat yourself like the valuable person you are. Maybe a daily workout at a fancy gym is not in the cards, but there are always the stairs in the office building. Stuffing your face with fast food at the office or on the run is not going to give you the energy and stamina you need for the life you live.

Involve your children... They desperately need and want you to be a calm, loving, supportive parent. Call a family meeting to discuss ways to make things go more smoothly at home. Avoid finger pointing and blame. Encourage solutions and responsible actions. Even the youngest child is able to pitch in with simple chores like table setting. Emphasize that responsibility and privileges go hand in hand. After all, if you can't run the vacuum, it is unlikely you can be trusted with the family car.