Jealous sibling

JUST ASK DR. LEAH... My elder son just turned 2 years, and we had another baby boy, he is aged 3 months now. In the beginning my older one always hugged him and kissed him, but now whenever he can he tries to beat my younger one. Although his father and I try to give him full attention, as much as we can, but he becomes impossible at times. Secondly, since the birth of my younger one, the two-year-old will not eat. He will just drink milk. Why is this and what should we do?

DR. LEAH REPLIES... Welcome to the challenging world of sibling rivalry!

Your two year old suddenly looked so big and grown-up when you brought that tiny baby home from the hospital, but your son is still a baby himself! He was used to lots of cuddling and undivided attention. Mom's lap was his personal paradise. Now he has to share and, frankly, he is too little to really understand sharing. He also is just beginning to learn to use his words to tell his mom and dad what he needs and how he is feeling. This is why he is acting out and drinking milk out of a bottle. He is trying to tell you that he feels upset and wants to be the baby again.

First and foremost, he cannot be allowed to hurt your helpless newborn no matter how angry or displaced he may feel. You should never leave him alone with the baby. You should not expect him to be overjoyed about the baby's arrival or the changes that a new member of the family has brought to your home.

You son needs to be shown that there are definite advantages to being a "big boy". Make the special effort to fix toddler friendly food. Explain that the baby will not get to taste these special treats, just him. When the baby naps, let him have full use of your lap and read a favorite storybook. When his Dad goes out to do an errand, this is a perfect opportunity to let your son go with him because he is a "big boy". After all, the new baby is too little to be a "special helper".

You are probably thinking about starting toilet training since two children in diapers is quite a challenge and expense. Hold off on this process until your son shows definite interest and expresses the willingness to use the toilet. Your son may be too interested now in not losing the attention a wet or soiled diaper automatically brings.

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